The Limits of Faith
by Lodylodylody
Summary: When the weight of the world is bearing down on you, a person must dig deep and find a reason to go on. But what if there's no reason? (Warning: strong language.)


_So fucking tired._

Given that it was close to three o'clock in the morning, such a sentiment should not have been surprising coming from a young woman of Faith's age. But in this particular case there were other factors to consider before making such a judgement.

For one thing, Faith normally kept very late hours. For another, she'd slept most of the previous day away, not rising until very late in the afternoon.

And then there was the fact that she was superhumanly strong and possessed such stamina that she could easily go several days without sleeping before suffering from any notable fatigue.

Nonetheless...she was tired.

Her exhaustion was not born of any physical exertion, rather it was due to the soul crushing weariness that had become all too familiar to her of late. An unavoidable consequence of the life she was forced to live.

Of course, Faith might take issue with the word 'life'. She didn't have a life. Hell, what she had barely qualified as existence. Oh, it may have sounded exciting enough to those who didn't know any better. Being a Vampire Slayer...having superhuman strength, unmatched fighting ability, the ability to heal from even the most grievous wounds and injuries...

It was all worthless.

Faith hadn't always felt this way. At one time she'd revelled in her power. Her 'special' status.

Then she grew up.

Every night she went out...hunting for demons and vampires and other creatures too horrible to name. She'd fight and she'd kill and the world would be a little safer...for that night at least. And then the next night would be the same.

And the next.

And the next.

There was no reward for the service Faith performed...no payment for the protection she offered the world. Not that she felt she deserved any. Far from it. She'd made more than a few mistakes in her life. Bad mistakes. She'd done things that she'd felt could never be forgiven. So toiling ceaselessly to protect others...that was the least she could do, right?

But even Faith's overwhelming need to pay penance could only go so far. Night after night of endless battles had left her longing for just one thing.

An ending.

It wasn't that she wanted to die. She certainly wasn't expecting any sort of heavenly reward...quite the opposite in fact. But she just didn't want to go on feeling so damn empty anymore.

She had nothing to look forward to. No hope of a happy life. No loved ones...no, she'd made sure she'd screwed up any chance of that.

It was true there were still a couple of people she could count on...Angel...Giles...

But as much as she appreciated them, the truth was that she'd never be as important to them as they were to her.

And though she didn't want to seem petty, she hated the fact that the best she'd ever be able to hope for was to be first runner-up in their affections.

Well, she used to hate that fact at least. But hate was a feeling. And Faith didn't feel much of anything these days. She was mostly numb.

Numb and tired.

It was a quarter to four when Faith finally found the vampire nest she'd been looking for. There were six of them there...but all newbs. Faith could have taken them out in her sleep. She was in no mood to fool around however. She hit them hard and fast. Three of them were dust before any of the rest had even moved.

The remaining vamps were pretty smart for newbs though. The kept their distance and kept circling Faith. A decent strategy...for all the good it did them.

Faith let herself look confused for a moment, long enough to lure one of the vampires into attacking her from behind. She didn't even bother to look at him as she staked him. Another vampire charged her at that moment hoping to catch her offguard...and soon joined his comrade as a pile of dust.

"Pathetic," Faith muttered even as her eyes started scanning the room for the final vampire. "AAH-UHH!"

The cry she let out sounded strange to her own ears. So strange that it momentarily occupied her attention more than the reason for it. The last vampire, a slim little female, had managed to sneak up on her from behind and bury its fangs in her neck.

She'd been bitten before...once even seriously...but this was different. This damn newb of a vampire had gotten her dead to rights. Every nerve in Fatih's body was on fire, but every muscle was frozen. She was paralyzed.

And the vamp was draining her.

As Faith tried to force her limbs to move, she had the oddest sensation. It took her a moment to recognize it.

Fear.

She was afraid.

For God's sake she was afraid...and she loved it.

She could feel her life slipping away...and she was on the verge of laughing hysterically over it. She was just so overwhelmed at FEELING something again. This fear...this desperation...so much better than the damn emptiness that had been a part of her for so long.

She still struggled...still tried to get free from the vampire's grip...but a part of her was overcome with fascination at all she felt. All her senses were amped up a thousand fold. She could see the cracks in the ceiling above her...she could smell the mixture of decay and perfume that clung to the vampire.

_Nice perfume_, she thought and again felt like laughing. This was it. The ending she'd been longing for. It didn't matter that she was being taken out by some newly-risen amateur. All that mattered was that she hadn't felt so alive in months, and that was how she wanted to die...feeling alive.

She savored every sensation she felt. The adrenaline coursing through her veins...the steady growing weakness from the bloodloss...the panic causing her heart to hammer violently in her chest...the shortness of breath...

Was she actually hyperventilating? Un-fucking-believable!

She wasn't the least bit ashamed when she realized she was on the verge of an orgasm. After all she hadn't been laid in the longest time. She wondered idly if the vampire killing her was a lesbian.

_Either way bitch, I hope you're enjoying this as much as I am_, Faith thought. She was struggling less now. The part of her that wanted this was firmly in control.

Then the vampire stopped.

Faith was drowsy now...and confused. Why had she stopped? And why was she talking now?

_Oh hell no!_ the Slayer concluded. _The bitch is monologuing!_

And indeed, the triumphant vampire was in the midst of a very grandiose monologue...proclaiming herself the conqueror of Slayers and declaring that Faith would be the first of many victims.

_Yeah_,_ whatever_, Faith thought. _Just shut up and finish me!_

The vampire continued gloating.

_Come on...drink me! I'm fucking delicious!_

Still the vampire went on.

_God damn you, bitch! END ME!_

But the vampire, as drunk with triumph as she was with Faith's blood, was gripped with delusions of grandeur. She went on about how nothing would stand against her. How she'd rule this town and feast on the blood of innocents. And the longer she went on...the more Faith's sensible side reasserted itself.

Her muscles weren't frozen anymore. She was sure she could move her limbs.

Then the damn vampire said something about slaughtering children...and that was the last straw.

Faith broke free of her grasp with ease...showing no sign of the weakness that the bloodloss had brought on. She threw the vampire down and was on top of her in an instant.

"You idiot!" Faith spat at her as she raised her stake to strike. "You could have fucking had me!"

There was a look of realization in the vampire's eyes, which gave the Slayer a small bit of satisfaction as she plunged the stake into the demon's heart. After the vamp exploded into dust Faith collapsed back on the floor.

The bite had been bad...with considerable bloodloss...but the adrenaline rush Faith was feeling was pushing her healing factor into overdrive. In a few hours she'd be as good as new. In a few weeks there wouldn't even be much of a scar left on her neck.

Faith rose unsteadily to her feet and began the walk back to the cheap motel room currently serving as her home. She'd sleep and she'd heal.

And tomorrow night she'd go out again.

_So fucking tired. _

**END**

_**author's note: **Part of me imagines that when Faith gets back to her room, Giles will be there with just the right words to say and there will be a happy ending. Or do you think Faith should eventually find a vampire that will drain her? Feel free to let me know in your reviews._


End file.
